December 31st, 2010 ethereal
I just took a humbling, glass-strewn bike ride south on MLK to the car dealership. It was a necessary errand, and I was glad that the weather was crisp but not icy and that the sun was out. As I pedaled my way along the route, I dodged tire weights, twisted metal pieces, glass shards, and a few whistles called out from lingerers on corner sidewalks. The scenery included tire shops, second hand junk stores, run-down apartments, chain link fences, and homes with the seemingly requisite “beware of dog” sign posted visibly in a window. I saw shadows on the faces of many as they walked the roadside. I held my ground when I could hear bass boom boom cars approaching from behind. I signaled at intersections and turned cautiously, no one seemed to see me there from within the cars. I was the only rider I saw with a helmet. I did not see any children under 12 on this ride. The area was gray, vaguely depressing, and dirty. I know this about South Sacramento. I felt humbled in it. I also felt an overwhelming sense that I am not above this place. This is my life. I live here, and I am as much a part of the landscape as any of these things. My car will not start, so I biked to try and solve the issue. I live right in the heart of this, I need to come to terms with it or move on.
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September 6th, 2010 ethereal
i spent a large portion of today drawing. the “problem” to solve or the framework i was drawing within was the the theme sickness & health. this is the next show at gioia & ianna’s gallery, tangent. i don’t think i came up with anything that will ever make it to the gallery. after all, how interesting is 76 i.v. bags drawn in black ink on grey cardboard? i knew going into it that i would most likely not make something that would end up being public worthy, but it was important that i DO SOMETHING. all of my obsessive energy has been going into the wrong things these past few months. i need to reroute this to something better, healthier. so even though my sickness & health drawing will not be featured on a gallery wall, it was more cathartic than obsessing over a finished product would be.
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August 26th, 2010 ethereal
video idea:
fuzzy fragments of late summer neighborhood life
song: life’s fading light by the sight below
script read and cut into sentences, not sequntial
script:
Listen to this
Doesn’t it just break your heart?
It reminds me of how the days pass
The 24 hour cycle is so cruel
I see markers pass with no way to slow down or speed up
Circadian rhythms mismatch with my ethos, ego, centric point of view
I am at the center
Its the only circle I have ever known
We spend our whole lives searching for ourselves, its ironic
I AM RIGHT HERE
Doesn’t this just break your heart?
Maybe I was already this way before I heard this song
I am here on borrowed time, aren’t I
I love you, I never say it anymore
Listen to me
I am about to break your heart
You are already gone
I had to break my own to leave
I am already gone
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August 22nd, 2010 ethereal
passing through my neighborhood on a evening walk, i saw a middle-aged man sitting on his stoop, garden hose in one hand and a can of beer in the other. he arced a single stream of water over the green grass, back and forth, and stared somewhere just beyond. he wore black plastic headphones that just covered his ears, and had a cd player perched on his lap. i noted the absence of ear buds or iPod. the moment registered to me as a habit, carved into his daily life. he didn’t look up and i kept on walking. i thought about the things i do daily as i circled the last block to my home, again.
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August 20th, 2010 ethereal
state fair, summer 2010. i had a grand time, albeit short. we closed the last day of the fair with funnel cake and fireworks. i felt like something was unfinished and left feeling vaguely like a missed opportunity was hiding in the gears of the ferris wheel.
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October 11th, 2009 ethereal
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June 23rd, 2009 ethereal
i walked past the burned house just now. four cats waited for dinner that will not arrive on time. the house is empty, in many ways. charcoal and smoke have taken the place of red paint and trinkets. there were roses in the fence the city put around her house to keep everyone out and maybe, to keep what is left inside. i assume the flowers were for the woman who died there. twenty-four hours ago she was inside, now she is gone. will i see her ghost in the alley?
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June 9th, 2009 ethereal
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May 22nd, 2009 ethereal
the night birds were singing. i miss them in the winter. the delta breeze brings in a delightful chill.
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May 20th, 2009 ethereal
this evening i sent a piece of myself to be encased in concrete and buried in the foundation of a new building. an old cell phone will be my contribution to the time capsule placed by a certain group of art professors at a college nearby to here. with some hello kitty stickers, a note explaining a cracked display, a phone charger and a memory card containing text messages that serve as cryptic chronicles of my first semester of my first year of graduate school, i said goodbye a farewell to an obsolete piece of past technology that contains a bit of who i was at that time. godspeed to your dark holding bin … metal/message/missive.
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